1. |
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I'm gonna get mighty thin so calories beware
(Well I never thought I'd see the day you fit into a chair)
I will not be over weight like I was before
For starters now when I look down I will see the floor
(Man boobs are such an unattractive thing)
Oh I just can't wait to be thin
No one saying tubby, no one saying fatty
No more saying "can I have an extra patty"
I want to run all the way to the end of my driveway
(I think it's time that you cut your cholesterol in half)
Well I ain't eating nothing that hasn't been fried in animal lard
(I know it won't be easy man but you just have to try
Or how else will you catch the ice cream truck when it drives by
I hope you know you've got a double chin)
Oh I just can't wait to be thin
You can try and step left, you can try and step right
Everywhere you step I'm still blocking your sight
The road will be long and challenging, every morning I''ll go for a swim
No more supersizing anything, oh I just can't wait to be thin
I just can't wait to be thin, oh I just can't wait to be thin
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2. |
Shart
03:35
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I did a fart oh yes I did
In my undies and it left a skid
I thought this time, I nearly did a poo
Yeah my undies split when I let one rip
and I'm pretty sure I did a little shit
I thought This time, I don't know what to do
I tried to squeeze some gas through my butt hole but I nearly did a shit
You shouldn't have pulled my finger
I think all thought we'd get a laugh
But it was a ripper and it really ponged
But you shouldn't have pulled my finger
I think you pulled a little bit too hard
Next time you'll remember
Not to pull too hard cause you made me do a shart
The next one came out of my butt
while you were in the middle of lunch
You told me that it's really not so funny
But I thought it was and you cracked a smile
cause you admit that it had been a while
Since I had farted on your lunch
So next time your mate least expects it
Drop your your guts right in his face
or tell him to pull your finger
Everyone there will have a laugh
It might just start to linger if it really pongs
So come on and pull my finger
Everyone's done it once before
Make sure you remember
Not to pull too hard, you only wanna do a fart
You can realise just in time
That some curry mixed with wine
And some baked beans might smell bad
But they don't smell as bad as mine
And I'm a little bit tired of hearing
That I should grow up and act my age
I'm pretty sure my Grandma still farts
So somebody pull her finger
Everyone there will have a laugh
It might just start to linger if it really pongs
So come on and pull a finger
Everyone's done it once before
Make sure you remember
Not to pull too hard, you'll be leaving a skid mark
You'll be leaving a skid mark
You'll be leaving a skid mark
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3. |
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I pulled up at the amber when I probably could have gone
I thought I'm in no hurry man, so I wont do nothing wrong
And how does God repay me for my law abiding ways ?
I spent the whole damn afternoon waiting for the lights to change
I've been waiting, waiting for the lights to change
Just kept on waiting, waiting for the lights to change
And it's building my frustration, so I end my indication
And just keep waiting, waiting for the lights to change
I've been here for an hour, or so it would seem
I swear I'm gonna grow a beard by the time the lights are green
When the guy behind me honks I suddenly see the line
And I'm not even in the sensor and this is fucken why
I've been waiting, waiting for the lights to change
Just kept on waiting, waiting for the lights to change
I feel like a moron cause everyone here could have gone
But they kept on waiting, waiting for the lights to change
I've been waiting, waiting for the lights to change
Just kept on waiting, waiting for the lights to change
Now we're stuck in position till they make a transition
We'll keep on waiting, waiting for the lights to change
Waiting for the lights to change, waiting for the lights to change
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4. |
Gourmet Pie
03:53
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Get your oven hot
900g of sweet potato chopped
20g of butter will be melting in the pan
Throw some onion in
A table spoon of harissa spicy blend
Roll the pasty out consistency is what it's all about
Grab a carrot, chop it up, add cinnamon and..
You make a gourmet pie
You make a gourmet pie
You make a gourmet pie
It will taste great, I cannot wait
The very smell is gonna make me salivate
We're gonna eat it up
Add lamb mince meat
Buy the premium it can't be beat
Let your grill preheat
Get out a baking dish and add the meat
We'll be eating soon
Add olive oil, just a table spoon
Grill it for 2 minutes 'til golden brown and...
You make a gourmet pie
You make a gourmet pie
You make a gourmet pie
We're gonna eat so take a seat
It's gonna be the best pie you ever taste
We're gonna eat it up
So eat it up, give it a little blow if it's too hot
Eat it up - WHOA!
Chew it up, Chomp, Chomp
Bet you've never had better?
You ate a gourmet pie
You ate a gourmet pie
You make a gourmet pie
It tasted great, I'm glad we ate
My finger's greasy and I'm lickin' the plate
Add some gravy
Incoherent deliciousness
You, You
You made a gourmet pie
You, You
You should add bread crumbs
You, You
Should try and add bread crumbs
You, You
Now you owe me ten bucks
Cause you ate it up
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5. |
Summer Druggin'
02:05
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I got pills and I'm supplying
And if you got the dough
I got powder you'll be trying - It's intensifying
You better rack up cause I need a line
And some goey will be fine
You better rack up some amphetamine
Let's get on the acid too
Not enough drugs, not enough drugs for me and you
And I wanna smoke pot I wanna smoke pot - ooh, ooh, ooh
Yeah I wanna smoke pot I wanna smoke pot - ooh, ooh, ooh
I wanna smoke pot I wanna smoke pot - ooh, ooh, ooh
Cause I love weed, Oh yes indeed, Yeah
Summer Drugging, had me a blast
Summer drugging, we got on the gas
I met a girl and we smoked some weed
Took off our clothes and did LSD
In a haze drifting away, ooh-ah but we smoked all the ice!
Oh well, oh well, oh well,
We'll get more, we'll get more and it's not very far
We'll get more, we'll get more lets all get in the car
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6. |
Fart on Fire
04:37
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I walked down the street the other day, Johnny came the other way
He said "I'm throwing a party man and do you wanna go ?"
I don't what i'm doing so i'll see what I'm doing
And if I'm not doing anything I'm probably gonna go
It's funny how a few drinks changes how one thinks
When he's got a lighter and he needs to fart
So when we went out the back, I exposed my butt crack
Everybody stand back, this is gonna blow now
He lit a fart on fire
Gas was burning and his guts were churning
He lit a fart on fire
When it ignited we tried to fight it
Out of my butt came ventilating methane
It was getting insane, people had to run
There was an eruption, spontaneous combustion
Look at the destruction, could it be any more fun?
Felt like someones bowlin' something down my colon
In recollection it probably wasn't all that wise
But even though the situation is getting kinda frightening
At least I am providing some kind of lighting
He lit a fart on fire
Gas was burning and his guts were churning
He lit a fart on fire
When it ignited we tried to fight it
Soon became emergency, water needed urgently
People running for their lives, I got charged with homicide
Because several people died, can't you see the funny side?
Smoke cloud began to grow, visibility was low
Get down low and Go Go Go !
Did not know Cocker Spaniels could be so inflammable
Dinner will not be long I hope you wanted hot dogs
Next time I'll be more aware, Next time I will prepare
Next time I'll wear underwear and make sure no one's standing there
He lit a fart on fire
Gas was burning and his guts were churning
He lit a fart on fire
When it ignited we tried to fight it
Frightened people everywhere, Smoke and ashes filled the air
I stubbed my big toe on a chair and singed off all my pubic hair
Did not know my anatomy correlates with chemistry
It was a surprise to me, my gastric capacity
Some times I underestimate sometimes I don't contemplate
All the actions that I take and consequences that I make
He lit a fart on fire
Gas was burning and his guts were churning
He lit a fart on fire
When it ignited we tried to fight it
Thank you for a great night, glad I was invited
I apologise everything was ignited
You will thank me one day for all of your endurance
When you claim your home and contents insurance
I'm sensing some hostility being directed at me
Hey, you all got in for free and you all got on TV
I think I put my back out, the whole town had a black out
I've never felt this pain before and now my arsehole's really sore
He lit a fart on fire
Gas was burning and his guts were churning
He lit a fart on fire
And the night goes on and still it pongs, it pongs, it pongs
It pongs, it pongs, it pongs, it pongs, it pongs, it pongs
He lit a fart on fire
Gas was burning and his guts were churning
He lit a fart on fire
When it ignited we tried to fight it
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7. |
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Well I'm a runnin' down the road tryin' to blow my load
I got seven women on my mind
But four are fucken ugly and two they kinda bug me
And one may be a lesbian
But they're all easy, They're all easy
And most of them are keen for a 3-way
Light a spliff while you still can
And just hope they weren't born a man
Just find a place to put your hand and get it greasy
She was standin' on the corner workin' for a dollar
Such a fine sight to see
Well this girl my lord is one I sure can afford
But I would rather take one home for free
C'mon baby don't say maybe
Do you take it up the butt or are you lazy?
You are loose and you are thin and I'll never again
So open up and I'll stick it in, in your cheesy!
Knee slappin' redneck solo
Well I'm a runnin' down the road tryin' to blow my load
Got a world of trouble on my mind
Lookin' for a lover where I don'y need a rubber
It's so hard to find It's not easy when they're easy
Don't let the sight of they're bad teeth get ya queezy
C'mon baby, let's make gravy
You know I still give you a go even if you're 80
Ooh, Ooh, Ooh, Ooh, Ooh, Ooh AWWW!
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8. |
MacGyver
04:04
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Terrorists take over a plane, passengers held for ransom
And the president is called on the phone
And is told that he will have to pay
Up the front there was this guy, quietly devising a plan
Little do they know this guy was trained
Trained to kill and he might save the day
It's the guy called MacGyver and he'll put up a fight
Blow you up with a pencil and a lighter
Hook it up to a toaster and a car battery
And he'll blow you right to the sky - it's MacGyver
Up he stood and fly kicked some guy
strangled him with a shoelace
Deflecting bullets with a knife and a fork
Killed them all in the blink of an eye
It's the guy called MacGyver and he'll kill you tonight
All he needs is a peg or a screwdriver
Sideshow Bob says it's "clap trap" but I think that he's wrong
I wish that I was the guy called MacGyver
But today all that you see on TV is reality
There's no script now there's no dialog
And there's nobody saving the day
Where's the guy called Macgyver when you need him the most
Free us all from the evil of X-Factor
The lowest common denominator, mind numbing shite
Who'll poke them all in the eye?
It's MacGyver
The guy called MacGyver
Watch out for Patty and Selma
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Arse Eyes Budgewoi, Australia
Musician from Budgewoi. I like fart jokes and wasting time. My favourite band is the Bangladesh philharmonic orchestra. I also enjoy stamp collecting. I have 4.
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